The Big Rip

 I have been learning to use show not tell to make my narrative interesting

To do this have tried to use describe what the characters think and feel. I have changed this with a partner.

 The Rip                                          

   

There were two brothers who were not at all alike;  they were different in every way. The younger brother stayed on the sand. And the older brother was always in the water. The older brother liked to swim with his bros, diving , tumbling, bombing,  snorkling and surfing in the waves. During the day the older brother liked to go on lots of adventures but the younger brother would stay safe on the sand. Sometimes the older brother would creep up to the younger brother and drag him into the water. “Oh come on you little chicken, it’s only waves,” teased the older brother. 

One morning their mother got angry with them you too are “ like cats and mice!”  “Out you go both of you,” said their mum. Go to the beach and play nicely for once. “Why did you come?” said Jack. “ I never even wanted to come,” James replied. Jack found some big waves and swam in .”Hey, I found some  waves, come in”        

Said Jack. “no, there might be sharks !” answered James .” you're such a baby,” replied Jack.

James started to get worried he felt sick in his stomach about  Jack. He had been waiting for him for about 30 min. He came to the last place that he saw him but he was not there. James started to walk down the beach and he saw Jack in a rip. He was covered with fear but he knew what to do, he needed to go and save his brother.

 

James got rid of his fear and got into the water to save his brother. “Help” Jack screamed as James was heading straight toward him. He got the lifeguard's attention and he started to come this way. When the lifeguard brought them back to the shore the older brother was begging for forgiveness. “I'm so sorry for teasing you, please forgive me,” Jack asked.” Ok I forgive you,” replied James

They walked back across the sand when they reached home, their mother was setting the table. “Hello,” she said, “you two seem very quiet,” she asked. Dinner will be ready soon so don’t go too far. Jack and James played together for a bit until it was dinner time. Jack smiled at his brother. James smiled back.